The Road to Mustache-Land


There comes a time in a man’s life when he must commit to take the magical steps of growing out the majesty that resides between the upper lip and the nostril cavities. I am referring to the mustache.

I speak of my mustacheal awaking. There are a few roads of facial hair realization (preach!) that a man must travel to reach the Facial Hair Nation (preach it!) Sounds weird right? Don’t worry– It will make sense to you soon. Every man’s journey is different. This is the account of mine:

The ROAD to Mustacheland:

* Starts to grow hairs on face unwillingly
* Refers to them as “Facial Hair”
* Learns to shave these hairs
* Learns to maintain these hairs
* Willingly grows hair out on upper-lip
Shaves it immediately
* Grows hair on side of face
* Claims it as Sideburn County
* Maintains growth, then becomes the mighty Chops City
* Chops finally connect, making
* BEARD COUNTRY opens its gates for a mustache state to creep in slowly
* Full Facial hair is acquired! The United Beard & Stache Alliance (UBSA) is formed
* BEARD COUNTRY has ascended into Heaven
* Mustache can finally stand alone in bask in its beauty and independence.
* The Declaration of Mustacheland is written!

Now, not every journey to a Facial Hair Nation is completed, sadly.

Even when some are acheived, they are “Third World” material (bald patches, spread out thin, etc.) And some that are too populated like China or India (Neck Beards anyone?)

So, in closing I will see how long “Mustacheland” lasts.

hmmm…where’s my razor…

Michael J Sanders