Cake vs Pie!

Among the world’s greatest rivalries in History, like Pirates and Ninjas, Coke and Pepsi, USA and USSR,etc., there is a great rivalry that needs no other introduction. Everyone knows about the Cold War, but what about the “Warm War” also known as the Dessert War. I speak about cake and pie.

Cake vs Pie!
When the dinner tables become divided,
on the dawn of dessert,
When the bakery becomes a battlefield.
Sugar is torn in two.
Flower and Eggs on one side,
Fruit and Crust to the other.
Moist versus moist-er.
Everyone must choose a side.

But it wasn’t always like this. There was a time when Pie and Cake came from the same oven. They sat next to each other in the Baker’s display case. Until one day someone came between them. Cheesecake.

What is Cheesecake? Is it a pie? Or is it a cake? Most people assumed it was cake, but Pie thought differently. After a few bitter and tense years, Pie decided to make a stand against Cake.

These are some of the transcripts of how that fateful day when down:


Pie: “Cake! Cake! Get out here! This is a formal demand that you surrender the rights, you think you may have, on Cheesecake!”
Cake: “Well, well, well…If it isn’t my arch rival, Pie. Feeling a little less delicious and desired these days?”
Pie: “I’ve come to take back what is rightfully ours.”
Cake: “Well, you know, I can't do that. Cheesecake has always been called a cake.”
Pie: “Don’t you look at me with that condescending frosted smile. Cheesecake is nothing but pie and you know it! Just hand her over and things won’t get messy.”
Brownie and Cookie: “What are you guys doing?!? Don’t do this!”
Pie: “Get back in your display case, little ones! You want nothing to do with this. It’s between me and the Cake.”
Cake: “Oh, why are you afraid they might chose the side of their fellow egg and flowered treat?”
Pie: “Don’t flatter yourself. You’re the only one that will be shedding crumbs tonight.”
Cake: “Yeah…in the mouth of a costumer! (That’s a Got'em)”
Pie: “The problem with you is that you think you’re so mighty and wanted with your ‘ice cream cake’ and your 'wedding cake’, but I know you cry yourself to sleep at night, wishing you had more to offer than chocolate or regular. And we all know here that you are just sugared bread with frosting!”
Cake: “Shut your crust, Pie! You are so undeserving for serving.”
Pie: Nice one, did you read that in 'sugared bread’ cookbook?“
Cake: Yeah ok, Pie, whatever. You just remember who you are when children eat their birthday cake, newly weds cut into their wedding cake, while crazy Uncle Joe will be biting into his Molasses Pie at the local Wafflehouse at 2 in the morning.”
Pie: “You say that, but don’t you forget apples, cherries, peaches, berries, pumpkins and a whole mess of fruit have my back!”
Cake: “What is it the Great Depression? And haven’t you heard of Strawberry shortcake?”
Pie: “Yeah I have,…but I’ve also heard of FRUITCAKE. And we all know how that went!”
Cake: “How dare you bring that up!
Pie: Just hand over Cheesecake and we’ll all forget about your fruity fruitcake past.”
Cake: “Oh so you can call it Cheesepie? I don’t think so.”
Pie: “Then this means DESSERT WAR!”
Cake: “Prepare meet your Baker!”
Pie: “Remember the A La Mode!”

And so that’s how the great Dessert War started. And it’s been quietly raging everyday since.

To Be Continued….

Michael J Sanders