The Problem with Cheese


Why must humans consume rotten milk? 
There’s a Cheese & Wine store down the street from my house. It smells like 
the insides of a dead baby calf filled with vinegar.

All the world’s with problems go back to cheese!

If cows only knew that once we have slaughtered them, ground them up, cooked them, we then put a thin solid layer of what they feed their young on top of there dead remains, there would an epic cow uprising of Far Side proportions!

Sometimes we give cows a break by eating Goat cheese. But who is anyone kidding? We don’t eat goats!…well not like as use to. (Ah the savory delicacies of goat meat!)

Cheese is a sin! A sweet savory sin! If the heart had one mortal nemesis it would be a block of Wisconsin’s finest Sharp Cheddar. With it’s daggers sharp enough to block the biggest and baddest artery.

“Hey, let’s MELT the cheese! That way, it can get to the center of our ticker even quicker!”

Cheese, you Devil. How I love you so.

But back to goats - If we can milk a goat and make cheese, why don’t we milk anything and everything that has nipples?

  • Gorilla cheese - the finest dairy cuisine in all of central Africa!

  • Dog cheese - The Chinese eat them, why don’t we make cheese with them?

  • Whale cheese - While ol’ Moby is washed up on the western shore, why not strap a milker to its chest and go to town.

  • Bear Cheese - Good luck with that one! That would take them down a peg or two.

  • Pig Cheese - We eat every part of them, why not?

This makes me think…human cheese?

Could American cheese possibly be made from human milk? It’s arguably the least favorite cheese out there, but CHILDREN seem to love it!

So there you go - before indulging in your microwaveable cheese pizza, think about what you are getting into!

*Mike Sanders does not dislike cheese in any which way or form. In fact, Mike Sanders loves cheese. He just thinks about these things when wanting to take a three hour nap after this delectable triple cheese burger from Fuddruckers.

**If you are at all enticed by the idea of Human Cheese, perhaps you should check out the Restaurant listed in the blog below, or seek professional care.

Michael J Sanders