The Troubling Mind of 10 Year Old Michael Sanders Pt. 1

Hello, my old friend. It has been a long month now, since my last entry. There was a Writer’s Strike in The Mike Sanders Creative Thoughts Emporium, P.O. Box My Brain. I had realized that it would take some sort of time warp to bring back those sweet creative juices that flow so well from my head. It was just over a week ago that I had found some interesting school projects from my fourth grade years in some boxes in my mother’s garage.

I remember this creative piece well…
First offit was 1993 or1994, I was about 10 years old. In Mrs. Shandler’s fourth grade class, one the students’ creative arts project was to create a restaurant and design it’s menu. 

This is the menu I came up with:

oh       my       Lord.

Yes….read it carefully…. Handburger 99¢, Cheekburger $2.50, Nose Nuggets $1.50, Finger Dog 99¢, Tongue Sandwich $2.00, Blood Pizza $2.50, etc.

I know what you’re thinking…. and know what your questions might be:

(Man, I can’t believe how cheap the food is!) - Nay.

WHY in the world was this kid not shipped off to a special school, full of ADHD kids, safe-guard none sharp objects and feel good puppet shows?

Because I was just creatively “strange”. That, or not crazy enough. I knew this one kid, Gabe, who jumped up onto the desk and threatened to stab the teacher and his mom with a compass. 
For the win.

WHO in the world would allow a child to make such a garbage, or not monitor their odd behavior?

My parents, God bless them. One being a preacher, and the other being a teacher, one would think that there would be no way for their child to know what a cannibal was, little less know who Hannibal Lector is. But parents who let their children watch rated R movies supervised, and regularly bought their son MAD Magazines would beg to differ.  

WHAT in the world was this child thinking!?

“hmmm.burger joint…..burgers….hamburgers…handburgers?….. Genius!"  And the rest was history.I had a creative niche and ran with it.

WHEN in the world, did the parents decide counseling was no longer an needed option fit for their kin?

I can image few red flags went up in my parents head, thinking, ”Hey, let’s play this one out, Hun. Let’s see if Michael starts killing bunny rabbits or eating live chickens…If so, then we can get him counseling.“ 

"Oh dear, I hope you are right." 

WHERE in the world was the teacher’s mind to accept this project?

I don’t know, but if you look at the bottom of the menu you will see the "A” followed by a “Clever”.  Eat that!

HOW would one “Eat that?” Or HOW would one order from this café?

Waiter: Hi, Welcome to Hannibal the Cannibal’s Café. I’m Gary, I’ll be your waiter today. Can I start you off with a Blood Shake or a Blood Tea?
Guest A: Yes I think I’ll have a Blood Shake.
Waiter: And You?
Guest B: Ummm, I think I’ll have a Slice.
Waiter: Do you want me to put a little blood in it?
Guest B: Ummm, no thanks.
Guest A: And I think we’re also ready to order?
Waiter: Ok! I’ll start with you: What would you like?
Guest A: I think I’ll have the Tongue Sandwich. And could i get that without pickles?
Waiter: No prob. And you?
Guest B: What kind of cheese do you use on the Blood pizza?
Waiter: Parmingiano - Reggiano
Guest B: Well actually I think I’ll have the Cheeckburger with a side order of Ear Chips.
Waiter: Okay.
Guest A: Oh and can you box up a order Nose Nuggets and an Eyeball Salad to go as well?
Waiter: Sure, Ok your food will be up in 10 to 15 minutes.
Guest A: Thank You.
Guest B: Wow all that food will come to just $9.15!
Guest A: Man we will have to come back here for Lunch every week.
Guest B: It sure pays being a cannibal!

Michael J Sanders